After last night, I could never be a politician.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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