Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
