Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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