What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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