I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
