I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
