I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
