i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize