By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
