you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
