Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
