Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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