just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
