cat food counts as protein by the way
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
