I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I wish you could order shots online.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
