You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
