i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
