why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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