remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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