you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
