no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
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