I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
