Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
