whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
