Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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