How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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