this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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