I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
