i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
