I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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