I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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