If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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