why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
