she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
