I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
