i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
