Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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