Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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