i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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