u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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