You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
