You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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