I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
