I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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