I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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