and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
