dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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