I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
