I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
