Pappa wants mamma naked
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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