btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
