She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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