anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
