My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
