I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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