oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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