I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Randomize
