I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
