Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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