Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
