sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
