you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
