"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
