if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
