I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just want to make out with him forever
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
