can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
