I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
