Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
