I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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