she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
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so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
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Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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