And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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