So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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