dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
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She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
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I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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