so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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