Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
