don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
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Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
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! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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