I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
