The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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