she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
