On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
