sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
