I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
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I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
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I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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