Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
