Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
